Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
