some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
