how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
