On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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