people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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