We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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