Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
