i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
