Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
