chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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