What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i now understand why vodka
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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