this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize