After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
