he wants to bone in the snuggie
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
