Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
