So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
