I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
