Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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