I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
