so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize