so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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