I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
