She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
