Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
