just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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