i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
NoShamevember. You game?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
