Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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