i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
