you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
