Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
