I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
