My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
