apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
