you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
