I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
