If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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