I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
