hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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