I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
