Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
