maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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