just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
