DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
