He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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