ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
