it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
