dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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