im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
