I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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