I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
