Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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