Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
