I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
