So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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