Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
