Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
