what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
