he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
