I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
