how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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