Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
