I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
