whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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