Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
