You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
