How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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