Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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