you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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