I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize