she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
